Does Your Child Play Sports? Here's Some Advice.

I've been around the block once or twice when it comes to coaching youth sports and dealing with parents. I've led American football camps in South America and Asia and lots and lots more throughout Europe (I don't say this to sound brash or boastful, but I figure if I'm going to establish credibility in this article I might as well do it at the beginning). And while there certainly are a multitude of cultural differences between Peru, Kazakhstan, and Germany, homogeneous parental values remain constant at every locale.

I correlate these experiences abroad with my experiences growing up in the States and what I find are striking similarities in the interaction between children and their parents. Regardless of the culture or region, I've found two intercontinental truths that remain consistent everywhere I've been. Those two truths are 1) kids are kids and 2) parents are parents.

"What an astute observation" you might say.

Let me elaborate.

If the aforementioned truths are, in fact, true then let's put our deductive reasoning skills to the test. Parents all over the world want to see their children succeed. They want to see them have fun. They want them to learn values as a byproduct of playing sports.

Children, on the other hand, want to succeed as well. They want to have fun. They want to have a good time with their friends and be glad they signed up for the team.

All around the world, kids are kids. And parents are parents.

What a sobering truth.

American football player with his parents after a game

There are a few observations I've made while being around mothers and fathers and their sport-playing children. These observations have proven to be constant regardless of the country, what resources were made available, how much money there was (or wasn't), or what language was being spoken.

So without additional buildup or hype, here are three pieces of advice for parents who have children that play sports.

Let your child know you are there and you are watching. I remember when I was playing youth basketball, my father was often my coach or at least a present, supportive parent. Whenever I made a shot, my subconscious reaction was to immediately look over at my father to see if he saw it. It was instinctive. It's important that you are there for your children; a visible face on the sidelines where they can look and find instant support. A brief moment of eye-contact between you and your child mid-game can be the ultimate confidence builder.
Catch them doing something right and remind them about it later. It doesn't matter whether your child is an Olympic-level athlete or someone who is just happy to be on the team, identifying positive moments from a game or practice can unlock a new level of performance. My mother was always great about this. She would say something like, "Hey son, I know no one else probably saw this but me, but when the running back scored on that long touchdown run you had a really nice block that helped create the lane for him to run through. That was awesome!" Little comments like these act as small, albeit powerful, reminders that positive reinforcement is more powerful than criticism.
Create an environment where failing is acceptable but giving up is not. In baseball, if you can succeed as a hitter 33% of the time you're bound to end up in the Hall of Fame. If you make over half your shots in basketball, that's considered very good. As a parent, it's imperative that you let your children accept that losing is part of sports, that they will have some bad practices/games, and a poor performance doesn't change how much you love them. That being said, having a bad game and wanting to quit altogether because of it is not a good lesson for any child to learn. Foster an environment where effort is praised, failing is tolerable, and giving up is neither praised nor tolerable. Finish what you start.

At the youth level, the primary objectives for the players should be to have fun, try hard, and learn some valuable lessons along the way. As a parent, your primary objectives are to be present, positively reinforce great effort, and encourage them not to quit at the first sign of adversity.

As Tim Elmore explains in his book Artificial Maturity, "We need to prepare our children for the path, not prepare the path for our children."

Sports is truly one of the great vehicles of learning. And you, as a parent, get to act as a catalyst for that vehicle.

Be present, encourage, welcome adversity, and allow your children to become all that they were created to be.