My wife and I recently celebrated one year of marriage together. When we said "I do" we had no idea that society would soon go into widespread panic, that we would both contract a globally-impacting virus, or that we would quarantine off and on for the next several months. But when life gives you lemons, go into lockdown and see if you have enough sugar and water to make lemonade.

Now that I have one year of marriage under my belt, I'm obviously more than qualified to write about what it takes to sustain a healthy marriage (if my sarcasm was too dry, just know that I’m joking). Although I'm just finishing up my rookie season in this whole marriage thing — and the surrounding circumstances made our honeymoon phase a bit non-traditional — there have been some important takeaways from year one. Here is what I've learned after a year of marriage during a global pandemic:

Encouragement is essential. I used to think that encouraging someone meant patting them on the back or covering them with praise. But the word 'encourage' comes from a French word which literally means "to make strong, or to inspire with courage." In the past year I've learned from Natália that encouragement includes challenging someone to be the best they can be. She doesn't allow me to give anything less than what I'm capable of giving, and it's because of that encouragement that I am a better person than I was before.

Opposites attract. When I first met and started getting to know Natália, I was drawn to her primarily because of the ways in which we are similar. A few years later that is still true, but a distinctive piece of our mutual attraction lies in the ways in which we are different. Where I am weak (too optimistic), she is strong (realistic). Where she is weak (too anxious), I am strong (comforting). Dave Meurer said, "A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences." The old adage that opposites attract is a healthy truth.

To be fully loved is to be fully known. Tim Keller said, "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything." I'm still getting to know Natália, but the more I get to know her the more I have come to love her. Even when she would confess a previous wrongdoing that might hurt me at the surface, it gave me an opportunity to love her more deeply. What a blessing that has been.

God's plan is better. Before our wedding we had mapped out exactly what the next five years of our lives were going to look like. And that's not necessarily bad; planning is valuable. But that plan has shifted dramatically over the course of the last twelve months. And although we thought we had a bulletproof plan, God has faithfully demonstrated that His plan is far better than whatever we could conjure up in our human minds. Praise God for that.

We have a long way to go. The past year was not all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, here in Belgium there is very little actual sunshine and rainbows. In marriage — especially a quarantined marriage — sin gets exposed, vulnerability gets put on the table, and the word 'openness' quickly becomes an understatement. It's been said that marriage is not a sprint but a marathon. If that's true, I pray that we can speak more carefully, listen more intently, love more deeply, and pace ourselves for this lifelong journey.

The Bible talks about a husband and wife becoming one flesh. When she hurts, I hurt. When she pains, I pain. This was true before we got married, but it has been magnified after it. This pandemic has forced us indoors, pushed us closer together, and really necessitated that we become one. Although it wasn’t the year I envisioned for us, God’s providence and sovereignty were on full display. And for that, I am thankful.